Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Where'd that guy's statue go?

There's a large white house at the other end of my block whose owner is nutty as hell. I assume he's a man because no woman would do half the stuff this guy does.

I've never seen him, but I'm sure he's seen me. See, he has motion-detector flood lights that are so sensitive that when I walk by on the sidewalk, and it's after dark, they switch on and temporarily blind me.

He's got an old video camera with a large, red Christmas tree light bulb attached to the bottom. It's supposed to make you feel like you're on camera on the time, but it just looks sad and fake.

The old man has a sign in the front window of the house that boasts: "SAME OWNER 42 YEARS." I really want to ring the doorbell one day and say, "Wow! Congratulations on paying your mortgage and staying in the same place; it's quite a feat, sir." There's also a sign that hangs of a wooden real estate sale sign that says: "LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR. IT WILL DRIVE HIM CRAZY"

The other night on my walk back from the grocery store I noticed there were two new signs in the yard. One reads: "STATUE OF INDIAN THAT STOOD HERE FOR 40 YEARS STOLEN" The other: "THE OWNER HATES THIEVES. HE'S MAD AS HELL AND WANTS THE NEIGHBORHOOD TO KNOW IT"

So, in the end his forceful, printed announcements, high-intensity Metrodome-quality flood lights and faux security camera couldn't keep people from plucking stuff from his yard. I'm not advocating for property theft, but, if you ask me, this guy asked for it by being such a security nut. Who ever stole the Indian statue knew it would mean more if they pulled it off because the security in his yard is higher than in the yard next door.

Today: Ran 4 miles
Tomorrow: rest, ice, etc.


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